2018: End of the Year – Goals Wrap-Up

2018 was a difficult year for me. It has had a lot of ups and downs, mostly downs. My dog died, I turned 25, I had a bit of a mental breakdown, I almost went to Spain for 9 months but couldn’t, and I’ve been in a strange, surreal funk since my 25th birthday–almost six whole months exactly. (Side note: I’ve always felt weird about having a birthday in the middle of the year. I can’t ever pinpoint how old I was during a particular year in the past because I’ve spent equally half of each year as two separate ages. I can’t just perfectly do the math in my head from my birth year. I’m bad at math anyway.) All of that and I haven’t even mentioned all the terrible things that have happened in the world. It hasn’t been the greatest year. But at the same time, looking back and from where I am now, I’m doing good. I’m at a good place at this moment in time, on New Year’s Eve, heading into 2019 with a good night’s sleep — no, for real, I’m spending tonight alone and have no obligation to stay up until midnight. I’ll be able to have the perfect start to waking up early and having a more productive year. Begin as you mean to go on, and all that.

Anyway — on to the reason for the post! How have I done with my goals for the year? Well, let’s take a look.

Design & Illustration

I had scaled back from my lofty goals of 2017 and I think I did fairly well. Although, opening my online shop took such a back burner this year that I decided against doing it at all for this year and focus on it next year. I did start freelancing on the side and had a few projects, all gone well. As for practicing my illustration skills, I started off sketching weekly well enough but fell out of the routine after a few weeks. Although, sketching every day in both April and September as my focus for the months worked well, only having skipped three or four days in each month. And I did, unexpectedly, participate–sort of–in Inktober for the first time, illustrating six or seven prompts at a time each weekend and on Halloween. This counted as several illustrations for the month and I ended up with the needed twelve to complete my goal! All in all, I did all right with these goals and I have some ideas and changes for next year.

  • sketch 2-3 times a week ✓
  • 2 full-color illustrations a month ✓
  • start freelance work ✓
  • open online shop

Writing

*deep breath* I really didn’t do well this year. i mean, technically I accomplished most of my goals here, it just seemed like less because the MAIN goal I had was to finish the draft of “Book E” but decided against writing it and to focus on the book I’ve been working on, Thoughtless. So that’s what I started working on but barely worked on it. (It was a really bad year after my birthday, y’all.) Anyway, I did finish two short stories, I finished the draft of the book I did NaNoWriMo 2017 with and I did NaNoWriMo 2018 this year and won! So, I’ll take it. I did my best.

  • write 2 short stories ✓
  • finish first draft of Book E Thoughtless ✗
  • finish the draft from NaNoWriMo 2017 ✓
  • complete NaNoWriMo 2018 ✓

Film

I’m real happy with what I’ve accomplished in this category. Technically, writing a feature-length film is a writing goal, so I did actually write a lot this year! I like the film I wrote, even though it needs a lot of work and I’m not confident in writing in this form yet, but I enjoyed the experience and it was a great start in writing for film. I also did a small project of my grandparent’s 50th wedding anniversary video — not the short film project I’d wanted to do, but I’m counting it because it was after my birthday and as I said before, not a great time. I’ve done a rough cut of it and like it thus far. It’s just a wedding video but I enjoy the practice in filming and editing something. I also watched 25 new-to-me films! One was even in theaters! Just a quick top five of them: Lady Bird, Incredibles II, Atomic Blonde, Fantastic Mr. Fox, Annihilation, and Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Okay that was six. Special mention to The Edge of Seventeen, which was a surprisingly great coming-of-age film. That’s seven. I’m bad at this. I just really liked them, okay?

  • watch 25 total (in theaters or not) films ✓
  • film 1 experimental short film/video project ✓
  • write a first draft of a feature-length film ✓

Reading

I set a goal of reading 25 books, thinking I could trick myself into reading more. I usually set my goal to 50 and always fail around around 20-25. And how many books did I read? 23. I just can’t seem to get there, y’all. But I’m setting my goal back to 50 next year and I’m really going for it. I know, I know. I’m a masochist. It’s fine. I can do it, I believe in myself. Don’t you believe in me? (Don’t answer that.) I did read less fantasy, shorter books, and I abandoned my old reading lists that had been eating me alive for not getting to them. That felt good to just read the books I wanted to in the moment as I chose. I even abandoned the newer list I made and just went with whatever I was feeling after finishing each book.

  • read 25 books ✗
  • read less fantasy ✓
  • read shorter books ✓
  • abandon old reading lists ✓

Exercise

Boy, howdy. I walked a lot (except for the last two months, I walked almost every day) and I even worked out a bit. I tried the Whole30 and had a mental breakdown because of it and lost my dog after the first week — so I needed chocolate and alcohol. I wrote a whole post about that experience. Overall, I lost a good portion of my weight (though put some back on these last few months because of holidays and not exercising at all) and am proud of that. Even if it’s not as much as I wanted. I’d rather gradually lose weight and feel better than killing myself to lose it quickly. I’m good.

  • be more active, walk or bike ✓
  • stick to work-out schedule better ✓
  • do the Whole30 at least once ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • go to bed earlier/wake up earlier ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

As you can see, I technically accomplished a lot of my goals. I just feel sort of meh about them all, though. I feel like I’m exactly where I started last year. I haven’t gone any further in my life or career, not really. This year was rough. But I’m looking forward to 2019. I have a lot of goals and changes I want to make for next year. And I’ll post all about it soon.

✌️

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Health + Fitness: Attempting the Whole30

So some of my goals for the year include being more healthy. I want to be more active, exercise more regularly, eat healthily, lose weight, and ultimately just feel better. Also, fitting into some of the clothes in my closet that don’t quite fit currently would be nice.

There are several things that I’ve done to start off 2018 in the right direction. First, my monthly focus for January was for Health and Fitness. So, I started going on the treadmill everyday and attempted (along with my mother, who also wanted to try it) to do the Whole30.

If you don’t know what the Whole30 is, I suggest doing a Google search about it for the full low down. It’s a very popular…diet? I don’t know if I would call it a diet. It’s more of a…reset. Essentially, there’s a long list of foods that you can’t eat or drink for 30 days straight, no cheats. The foods basically include: all grains, gluten, soy, dairy, legumes, alcohol, and sugar. There’s some more and the details of each category are specific (not only can you not have sugar, you can’t have any sweet substitutes, including honey or agave nectar.) The purpose, from what I’ve gathered, is once the 30 days are over, you’re to start reintroducing these foods slowly to see how they effect you.

So, we decided to start it on January 2nd and do it for the 30 days until January was over. It’s incredibly hard and unfortunately, we weren’t able to finish it the first time we tried. Our dog died on the 9th of January and it was a Rough Time and we cheated—wine and chocolate, obvs.

It was necessary.

After, we decided to keep going pretty much with it—I definitely cheated more than my mother did—and decided to start over after the Super Bowl (our biggest day for food of the year other than Thanksgiving, so I was NOT going to skip it.) So on February 6th, we started over and only made it 10 days.

I decided to quit because on Day 16 (the day I actually quit) I’d realized that for six days, I’d been drinking almond milk that had sugar in it. I hadn’t been before, but I accidentally bought the wrong kind and didn’t notice—no wonder that iced coffee I made tasted so good! I’ll be honest, the thought of doing starting over that day when I was at the halfway point made me want to die. I actually started to cry.

The thing is, the Whole30 is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. The first time we attempted in January, I had a headache for the first three days because of the lack of sugar—yikes, obviously I was addicted and didn’t realize. And I love the idea of the benefits from doing the Whole30. Energy! Weight loss! No inflammation! It seemed like a miracle!

And for those days that I was doing it…I felt none of those things. Which is normal! You’re not supposed to until like after Day 15. But for me, it’s not worth it. It may be amazing for people! I’ve heard and read and watched people on Instagram who love it. And that’s great for them. But for me, not being able to have things that I enjoy—whether good or bad; I mean obviously I love Coke which is terrible for me, but I also love peanuts and beans and things that are good for me!

30 days is too damn long not to have something joyful in my life. Life is too short.

Because those 16 days that I’d done (six not technically counting because of the almond milk, but for me they felt like they were still counting) felt like an eternity.

There was another drawback for me: my mental health. I have a troubled relationship with food and the Whole30 wasn’t good for me. My whole life, with my struggles with anxiety and depression, food was my go-to for healing myself and feeling better. It caused me to gain a lot of weight at a young age and I’ve been dealing with my weight and over-eating for 15 years. While doing the Whole30, I wasn’t able to have any of the food that gave me comfort. And even though I’ve overcome depression, for the most part, I haven’t with my anxiety. And my anxiety was through the roof during those days on the Whole30. I was irritable and miserable and overall unhappy. It certainly didn’t help the first month with my dog dying, but even the second time around when I was doing better with grieving, my anxiety was worse than ever.

There were some positives, though! I lost ten pounds in the first ten days and I lost a total of 17 pounds since the beginning of the year. That’s partly because I’ve been going on the treadmill almost every day (walking, not running—it burns off more fat and doesn’t hurt your joints). But that has a lot to do with me eating (mostly) compliant to the Whole30 since January 2nd. I mean, it’s mostly vegetables and meat. Super healthy. And, because I did the Whole30, I realized how intricately entwined my eating habits and my mental health are—something that I now know I have to closely watch and be more aware of.

Overall, the Whole30 life just isn’t for me. I know of people who do it often, taking a few days or a few weeks off and then doing it all over again, and that’s great! I just can’t be one of those people.

I do have a plan moving forward, however. My next monthly focus for Health and Fitness is in June, but until then, I want to start doing mini-Whole30s. My mother and I agreed that we overall like the concept of the types of food you can eat on the Whole30, but aren’t too keen on the timeframe and certain restrictions.

We’ve decided to modify it to include legumes, corn, rice, and beans, but leave everything else the same. I’m also considering a few sugar substitutes or some things with sugar, because I’ve missed coffee—I can’t drink it black. And we’ve decided that instead of 30 days, we’d do it for 10 days and have a “cheat” day or two, then do 10 more days. I think a lot of it for me was the length—and I know that’s the purpose of it! But the idea of only 10 days is definitely going to help me stick to it without going crazy. We’re not even calling this the Whole30, we’re just committed to eating healthier more often.

Hopefully, with our new program that we made up with the Whole30 as a base, we’ll be able to become healthier, lose weight, and maybe even feel better overall.