The Curse of Procrastination

For the past few months, I’ve been preparing to start taking on work as a freelance designer. This is something I’ve been planning on doing for a while. Right out of design school, I thought I would be doing these exact things—not a year after I graduated. At the time of my planning, I hadn’t realized I was going to already have a non-design related business that I was going to be co-running that takes up a good portion of my time.

Because I’ll be freelancing part time, I’ve been looking at how I’ll be scheduling myself once I start taking on jobs. At first, I assume it will be one or two that won’t be hard to schedule and (hopefully) will begin to grow in numbers. I know that I have the time for these jobs, because right now, I’ve been taking that time to do the work on prepping to start freelancing.

Only…I haven’t. What have I been doing instead? Almost anything and everything I can think of, including, at best, adding more time to my writing schedule and at worst, doing nothing but stare at the wall. Why am I doing this? Why am spending so much time, wasting so much time when I could be working toward what I’ve wanted to do for so long?

The answer? I’m scared. I’m nervous. I’m worried.

Am I ready? Should I do this? Am I good enough?

Every time I think about working on anything to prepare to freelance, I instantly become terrified of doing it and work myself out of even trying. I end up doing something else, wasting yet another day I could’ve finished my portfolio.

The worst part? Some days, when I have no excuse not to, I’ll sit down at my desk and plow through a lot of the work I’ve been procrastinating on…and I’ll love it. I’ll get excited again, I’ll be right on track and can’t wait to work on some more again! What was I so afraid of before? This is great! I’m going to do it!

And then, like clockwork, I take a day off from it or I’ll go to work for a few days, and then I’m right back at where I started. Am I ready? Am I good enough? Do I really want to do this?

When I think back to school, studying design, I would always push whatever I had to do to the last possible second. I’d convinced myself that I work best under maximum pressure, and I think, to a degree, that’s true. It wasn’t a good process of waiting for the last two days of an assignment being due to start working on it. It just stressed me out to the point of overworking myself for 48 hours, crashing for a few days and do nothing, then the cycle would continue.

But I realized recently that the deadline part of that process worked for me. And I figured out that because I never had a concrete date to when I wanted my portfolio site to go live, for when I wanted to start taking on clients, the answer always just being “soon,” I was stuck in that permanent cycle of procrastination. “It doesn’t really matter if I work on it today, I can do it tomorrow.” I’ve said that so many times the last few months.

The solution is to find a medium ground. Work steadily without the mad-dash finish, but still have a set finish line, a light at the end, an incentive to get out of this endless procrastinating cycle.

So what I’ve decided to do, is to take myself more seriously and to get over this feeling of unreadiness I have, I’m setting a deadline for myself. Instead of procrastinating, instead of letting myself feel that nervousness, I’m not going to take any days from working on it. I’m going to do at least one thing every day that brings me closer to my goal. And the hours I already have scheduled to prepare, I’m going to make sure I don’t do anything else. I’m going to keep the momentum going.

Officially, since I’m saying it here, so that even with the small amount of people who read this, I’m putting it out there to hold myself accountable to complete it. By March 15th, I’m going to finish the list of things I need to accomplish, loose ends to tie up, and finish my portfolio. By March 15th, I’m going to have my site with that portfolio up and running.

I have exactly one more month, to the day, to push myself passed the finish line.

EDIT 03/15/18: Even thought I’ve been working hard every day to reach the deadline I set for myself, there are still a few things I need to iron out! So I’m pushing it a few days to Monday, the 19th of March!

Shifting Gears…Again – Writing Update

About a year ago, I posted about needing to shift gears and abandon the novel I’d been working on for a long time and deciding to work on the book I like to call Book E. All of that is explained in the other post. However, one thing that I’ve been thinking about for the past year since making that decision: I’m worried about the genre.

Book E, like the original book I’d been writing, Book A, are both set in the same universe. They are connected. And I’d been working on them thinking it was the best option for me to focus on. The problem is, both Book A and E, while different in tone and style, have the same thing in common: superpowers. Book A is more fantasy, while Book E is a little more urban fantasy, but both have characters with the same superhero-like powers.

And what type of films/books/everything has there been a lot of lately? SUPERHEROES.

Media is over-saturated with superhero content right now. And I’ve learned that a lot of agents aren’t really looking for those right now because of it. I had a feeling that this was happening, but I was still in denial that I could make something original enough to stand out. But I couldn’t. I can’t. And honestly, I don’t want to. Because like many of us, I’m sick of superheroes, too.

I still love those books and I know that someday I might go back to them. I think sometimes that if I’d finished them years ago like planned, maybe they could’ve been published at the peak of this superhero obsession, which would’ve been great. But I know that Book A is not as strong or original as I thought when I first started writing it at the age of fifteen (it checked all four of the over-done tropes that one of my top picks for agents listed on their blog) and Book E is great, but also resembles some superpower-centered stories that are out there right now. So I know that now I’m going in the right direction.

So what will I be focusing on then, if not Books A or E?

Book C! The science fiction novel I wrote back in 2012 that I think is a much more original concept and has a much better chance of catching the eye of an agent to eventually be published. It had been my plan a long time ago to finish both Book A and Book C then decide which one was stronger to query with, but then Book E came along. Now that I want to change directions a bit, Book C is the perfect project to work on.

I’m extremely excited to get back to working on Book C (or Thoughtless, as that is its tentative title) though I know it’s going to be a ton and a half of work. The first draft was written when I was a much younger, less-skilled writer—boy, can six years make a difference (and with any luck, that constant growth will continue.) But because of that, I know it’s going to be difficult to turn this book into something good. I’ve already decided that an entire rewrite is necessary and a huge re-structuring of the plot is the first thing that needs to happen.

However, before that, one of my goals for January was to finish the draft of the book I’d written during NaNoWriMo’17. So that’s what I’m working on right now. After that, in February (which is the month I’m focusing on writing) I’ll be tackling Book C and starting again from scratch.

It’s a scary and exciting phase.

2018: New Year | New Goals

Well. 2017 was a YEAR. I’m not thrilled with the goals I accomplished last year. And it’s not that I didn’t focus or work hard enough for them, I realized I just set my goals too high and wasn’t able to reach them. So. This year, I’m doing things differently and I think I’m going to like it much better.

First thing, I’m setting my goals smaller. Because I have so many different categories of goals, I need to think smaller. Quality, not quantity—which is actually one of my new plans for this blog. Instead of once (ish) a week, I’m going to post once every two weeks. Focus on quality, not quantity.

Second, like last year—though I started this almost a third into 2017—I’ll be focusing on one goal more than the others each month. It’ll be my Monthly Focus that I prioritize over the rest.

Here are my goals for 2018:

Design & Illustration

Last year, I had lofty goals that I just wasn’t ready to accomplish. This year, I’m scaling back a bit but have more of a clear, solid plan in place for this year. I wanted to sketch daily, have a full illustration done a week. I just wasn’t going to achieve that. I also had wanted to start freelancing design work and open my online shop with things I designed, but just couldn’t start that up last year. This year, I’m going to do:

  • sketch 2-3 times a week
  • 2 full-color illustrations a month
  • start freelance work
  • open online shop


My writing goals last year changed so much last year because of a lot of issues (I wrote about them here) and really fell behind. But, fortunately, I redirected and reset my goals and achieved a lot. However, I’d love to go forward this year with more:

  • write 2 short stories
  • finish first draft of Book E
  • finish the draft from NaNoWriMo 2017 (very close to done)
  • complete NaNoWriMo 2018 (and outline in October)


I wrote my second (first completed) short film last year and was so incredibly proud of it. I want to work on more film projects, but just couldn’t do it last year like I’d wanted. And, I’d wanted to see a lot more (new to me) films in the theater and at home. I saw none in the theater and only 21 at home. So, this year, I’m working a little harder on less projects:

  • watch 25 total (in theaters or not) films
  • film 1 experimental short film/video project
  • write a first draft of a feature-length film


This one is what I’m most upset about. I’ve consistently only been able to read around 20-25 books in a year. I’m not happy about it. I always set my goal to 50 or even just 30 and I never reach it. So, this year, I’m going to do three things: embrace that number, read less fantasy (which takes me longer to read because it’s so long), choose more short books, and, most importantly, stop trying to read the books I’ve had on my list for years that I never get around to. I keep rolling over the books I don’t get to and I’m way less excited to read them because of it. There are other books that have piqued my interest since and I’m tired of not getting to those. So, I’m doing this:

  • read 25 books
  • read less fantasy
  • read shorter books
  • abandon old reading lists


Last year, I did fairly well with exercise and health, but I could’ve done better. This year, I’m going to really work at it and set my goals lower. With my monthly focuses, I’m starting off January by doing the Whole30 and walking every day. I’ll slow down for months I’m not focusing on it, but I really like my plan this year.

  • be more active, walk or bike
  • stick to work-out schedule better
  • do the Whole30 at least once
  • go to bed earlier/wake up earlier

Monthly Focus

I’m still working out which month I want to work on what, and I know there will be repeats, several months for writing or reading, but I just have the first six months set. Also, I don’t have anything with design involved with the monthly focuses because, well, it’s kind of my job so I need to focus on it all the time. These are just the side activities.

Jan: Health + Fitness (Whole30 + walking every day)
Feb: Writing (finish NaNo ’17 + short story + work on draft of Book E)
Mar: Reading (at least four or five books in the month)
Apr: Illustration (two or three full illustrations + daily sketching)
May: Writing (feature film)
Jun: Health + Fitness (Whole30??? + walking every day)

I’m very excited about the upcoming year. I have good feelings about it. Here’s to 2018!

2017 Goals: End of Year Wrap-Up

2017 was A Year and a Half™ and I’m glad it’s over, honestly. It was stressful on many levels and my lofty goals didn’t help. But, here we are, ready for the next year to start and glad this one is over.

Design & Illustration

So this entire past year, I’ve been struggling to work out what I want to do with my design career. I’ve known what I want to do, just haven’t yet been able to accomplish them. Though, the last month or two has been more productive. I’ve been redesigning book covers to put up on my upcoming portfolio—I posted about this here—to start doing freelance work and soon, I want to start designing and printing products to sell online (prints, screen printing on totes, cards, etc.) and do more illustration. That’s the goal for next year, and I’ve started putting the pieces together for that. Now, with illustration, while I started out the year fairy well with illustrating and sketching, I’ve fallen off a bit. But, I now know that trying to create a full color illustration once a week and daily sketching isn’t feasible for me right now. So I’ll be continuing on next year, just at a slower pace to keep working on my illustrating skills (I’m excited to start using the new art supplies I received this Christmas!) and updating here. I also worked a bit on hand-lettering, which went okay, but I definitely need to work more on my skills there.

Month of hand-lettering practice: CHECK.
Daily sketches: not daily, barely reached mid-year.
Full color illustrations: 13-14 finished out of 54.


This has been the most up and down goal of mine this year. I struggled this summer—and posted about that here—and have recently reconciled with my love of writing. I finished the first draft of the novel I started in NaNoWriMo 2016 and completed the NaNoWriMo 2017 challenge of 50,000 words (haven’t finished the draft yet, planning on finishing the last few thousand words in January)! I’ve been working periodically on Book E and have taken December off from writing, just to help focus a bit—I don’t think I would’ve had time anyway, it was a busy month!

Finish NaNoWriMo 2016: CHECK.
NaNoWriMo 2017: CHECK.
First draft of Book E: SORT OF.


I’m done with trying to read more than 25 books. I didn’t even reach my back up goal of 25. I’ve read 22 books this year and I’m fine with it. I’m honestly tired of being stressed out. Next year, I’m going to set my goal to 25 and read shorter books and just do my best. Maybe someday I’ll be able to get to 50. Or even the 35 I set this year. But all the books I read, I loved—well, most of them—and here they are:


Read 35 books: 22. MEH.

Film: Import / Export

I’ve watched 21 new-to-me films this year. None in the theater. I wanted to have reached 25 total, but that’s okay. I’m fine with what I’ve achieved for now. I now know that I just have to stop having such lofty goals. I wrote my short film, Anya, and honestly I’m thrilled with that alone. I didn’t do any other film or video projects like I’d planned, but I’m good with that. I have plans for the future, it’s just not anything I need to focus on right now.


I haven’t done that well with exercising. I did really well between February and July, I even lost some weight and felt great. Then, I sort of fell off the wagon. I’ve been able to keep up with my diet fairly well, so I’ve been able to maintain the weight I’ve lost for the most part—the holidays haven’t helped with that—but in January I’m going to try doing the Whole30 and I have a new exercise plan, so hopefully I’ll be able to keep up with it in the new year.


I completed the challenge of posting once a day all year! It sucked. I’m never doing it again. It was mostly fun but stressful, too. I hated doing it. Though, towards the end, I started to enjoy it more with the holidays and being busy and having more things to post about, but those lulls where I did nothing for a week or two but work, I struggled getting enough photos to post. Overall, I don’t regret it. I think the quality of my posts have gone up since before this year, so that’s something. But there’s definitely some posts this past year that I don’t really like, so I’m glad I’m now able to curate my posts better and post just the photos that are top notch.

365 Posts on Instagram: CHECK.

So, that’s my 2017. Goals accomplished, goals failed. One year, hopefully next, I’ll learn to not have such lofty goals and actually be able to accomplish them. Here’s to 2018! Happy New Year!

2017 Favorites: December

It’s the final month of 2017! December is always a busy month with the holidays but I still have a few favorite things to recommend. Here they are:

Ocean’s 8 trailer

So the trailer for the new Ocean’s 8 movie came out—it’s a sequel spin-off of the original trilogy with George Clooney (which I love) but now with an all female cast. I’m so excited for this movie because 1) the cast is insane and I love all of them and 2) it looks amazing. As soon as I heard about it, I was in, so after seeing the trailer, I’m all in. Have to see it. I’ve watched the trailer like ten times already.

Grizzly Bear – Losing All Sense

Recently heard about the band Grizzly Bear (even though I’ve technically heard their stuff before and just never realized until later; I even had a song in my iTunes library that I loved but never got around to checking out the rest of their stuff) and fell in love with the song Losing All Sense. It’s just a great song. Trust. Listen to it.


For Christmas this year, I received a lot of great things, but my favorite has to be the board game Tsuro. I’ve been into games lately and I’m obsessed with this one already. It’s a game of tile with many winding, connecting paths that you lay down on your turn to get your game piece moving around without running off the edge of the board or running into another player’s piece (a dragon); the object of the game is to be the last one remaining. It’s real fun but oddly relaxing, like it’s such a calm and simple game that it’s really easy to just sit back and play a couple—though there can be a few intense moments during gameplay, like when you’re too close to the edge or another player uses a tile that effects your dragon and you have to go down a path that might lead you to the edge. It’s literally my favorite game right now.

Baron Fig

So I recently purchased a new notebook from Baron Fig and I love it. I got the Confidant, medium size, with the dot grid to use as my new bullet journal for 2018! It’s such a well-made notebook, it came in a fancy box, it’s the perfect notebook for me. It’s exactly what I was looking for to be my next bullet journal in the new year. I also bought the dot grid sticky notes that are so handy and so aesthetically pleasing on my desk rather than the brightly colored, blank ones I’m used to having.

So those are my favorites of December! And that’s the last monthly favorites post I’m going to make! I’ve decided that in the new year, I’m going to be posting a lot differently, so it’ll be a favorites/recommendation post every three months or so…that means nothing if you don’t follow this blog and read regularly, which is very few of you—HA! Anyway, that’s the plan.

Book Cover Design

Ever since I decided on going to school for graphic design, I’d always had the goal of designing book covers. It made perfect sense to me: as a writer and a reader, I’m surrounded by books. It’s something I’m passionate about. So it feel natural and exciting to start the process of designing books.

To start, I had a goal of marketing myself as a book cover designer to do freelance work. But I knew I needed some work to go into my portfolio to do so. This led me to the idea of redesigning the covers of books I love to bulk up my portfolio. But I didn’t want to just design books that had terrible covers, I wanted to redesign covers that were already good, maybe even one of my favorites, to challenge myself to make one as good—or better. I don’t know if I accomplished that, but I’m dang proud of the ones that I’ve done so far.

I’ve been working one a few in the last few months in my spare time. Here are three that I really love:

These are just front covers that would work for e-books, but I’ll have a few full spreads in my portfolio for print hardcover jackets and paperbacks.

My goal for the very beginning of 2018 is to have a portfolio up online (other than the link above to just a WordPress page) and to put myself and my work out there to get jobs with self-published authors or small independent publishers.

If you happen to see this post before my portfolio is up and ready, like the covers above, and are in need of any design work (not just book covers!), feel free to message me through any social media outlet or here on WordPress. I’ll have a proper way of contact up soon!

2017 Favorites: November

November was a VERY busy month because of NaNoWriMo and the beginning of the holiday season. I honestly didn’t think I was able to enjoy anything new this past month because of lack of time to do anything but write write write. But as I looked back, there were a few new things that I could talk about!


This was my second year fully participating in NaNoWriMo (I tried a long time ago once, around 2010, but didn’t have the right novel to work on and I felt overwhelmed, so quit a few days in) and I won! With this being my second time completing the challenge, I can honestly say that it is very difficult but very fun — I think I would probably be able to do it again with even more ease than that last. I could definitely finish it early, because there were plenty of time, I just used that time unwisely a lot of the time. If I worked harder on it, I know I could complete it in an even better time.

Carly Rae Jepsen

So everyone knows who Carly Rae Jepsen is because of her song Call Me Maybe and mostly everyone but me knew how great her second album was. It’s an incredible album and the song Run Away with Me has been on repeat all month. She’s really become an incredible pop artist and I love her music.

Larabar bars

These are not delicious bars. I will be honest. But they are good and good for you. They have almost nothing else in them but three to six ingredients, mostly dates. There’s no sugar in them, nothing bad for you. Just dates, nuts, and some have dark chocolate. They’re also super filling and great for when I’m starving, I often have one just in my bag for when I need it. I’ve been eating one almost every day at work all month.

La La Land

I never really cared to see La La Land, just because it didn’t look that interesting to me, but then it started getting some Oscar buzz and I considered it and then I was hearing the criticisms about it and thought, ah well. I can skip it. Then it was on TV and I really enjoyed it. Sure it’s not perfect, but it’s fun and well-acted and the songs were great. I liked it a lot more than I thought I would and would love to watch it again.

The Witch

This was actually meant to be in October’s favorites, but somehow slipped through. I completely forgot to add it last month. But anyway, the Witch is a thoroughly unnerving film about an excommunicated family in the 1600s dealing with an evil force while trying to live outside the village. It’s an incredible film, something unsettling and harrowing to watch. It’s the best horror film I’ve ever seen, so perfectly acted and directed that it felt like a documentary more than a fictional film. It’s amazing,

NaNoWriMo 2017 – Final Wrap-Up

I DID IT!!!!!!!!

With 40 minutes to spare, I completed my NaNoWriMo 2017 with 50,005 words. I could’ve written more, but I was VERY tired that night after writing over 4,000 words to finish.

This year, I found it was easier than last year! I still struggled and fell behind, but not as much. In 2016, I had to write 13,000 the final day to finish and this year I had to write a third of that. Maybe next year I’ll be finished EARLY? Maybe!

Here’s the breakdown of the month:

Words Written:

November 1st – 2,267
November 2nd – 1,830
November 3rd – 1,530
November 4th – 2,130
November 5th – 1,080
November 6th – 1,670
November 7th – 1,232
November 8th – 1,750
November 9th – 84
November 10th – 1,708
November 11th – 2,330
November 12th – 3,000
November 13th – 1,311
November 14th – 675
November 15th – 0
November 16th – 751
November 17th – 0
November 18th – 3,027
November 19th – 2,019
November 20th – 2,093
November 21st – 1,668
November 22nd – 1,819
November 23rd – 2,336
November 24th – 1,901
November 25th – 2,684
November 26th – 2,450
November 27th – 1,672
November 28th – 0
November 29th – 770
November 30th – 4,219

The first draft of this novel is close to being DONE done. I think a few more thousand should complete the first draft (my first drafts are rarely over 70,000, usually sitting around the 65k mark) and then it’s off to the next project—finishing Book E!

NaNoWriMo 2017 – Week Four

Thanksgiving Weekend was a SUCCESS! I caught up completely, was doing really well, and then…Tuesday happened and Wednesday (today) happened. And honestly? I don’t even care. They were Rough Days and I didn’t have the energy to write, especially after writing so much over the weekend.

HOWEVER! I have one day left. I have 4,214 words to write. That will be the most I’ll have written in one day during NaNoWriMo this year (but definitely not the most ever; last year I wrote 13,000 words on the last day just to complete it). So I’m not THAT worried, I’m just a little worried. My plan is to write a third of that in the morning, a third in the afternoon, and the last third before midnight!


Words Written:

November 23rd – 2,336
November 24th – 1,901
November 25th – 2,684
November 26th – 2,450
November 27th – 1,672
November 28th – 0
November 29th – 770

Total Weekly Words: 11,813

Where I Should Be: 48,343
Running Total: 45,786
Up/Down By: -2,557

NaNoWriMo 2017 – Week Three

Another tough week! I ended last week with 0 words on the 15th and had only a few hundred the next day and then ANOTHER 0 word day. Not a great start to the week, but I picked it back up and did some strong days of over 2,000 a day. For the week, I stayed the 2,000 or so behind I was last week and added only a few hundred more to my negative words. But that’s not too terrible. I know I’ll be able to pick it back up.

Most of all, I was in a real tough spot in the story and was struggling to get going. But now, I’m in the most exciting parts of the book that I’m real excited about, so I foresee me being able to blast through those words and catch back up in no time—especially with the four days I have off of work coming up for Thanksgiving!


Words Written:

November 16th – 751
November 17th – 0
November 18th – 3,027
November 19th – 2,019
November 20th – 2,093
November 21st – 1,668
November 22nd – 1,819

Total Weekly Words: 11,377

Where I Should Be: 36,674
Running Total: 33,974
Up/Down By: -2,700

Still in the race, but definitely behind. Hoping this weekend turns out to be really productive!!!